this is what fair looks like

10 December 2021

so. i suddenly had a stroke of creativity and after ions and ions of me saying"oh i would never be able to do anything musically related". i mean, i guess i'm just rambling (point of the webpage i guess), but i just wanted to share these small tidbits of planning i did - in case i abandon it and forget about it HAHA

this is what fair looks like

1. birthday cake ice cream
2. where did you go
3. failing poetry
4. two weeks notice
5. old him, new me
6. out of place
7. knots
8. nénuphars

track 1: birthday cake ice cream [havent't finished it]

i want you to be my birthday cake ice cream

the type that i love and everyone hates

(for whatever reason reason reason)

you're hard to find

(for whatever reason reason reason)

are you hiding from me?

i want you to be in freezer twenty four seven

but you tend to disappear

(for whatever reason reason reason)

track 2: where did you go [definitely NOT finished yEESH, i think i just thought of a tune and started writing]

oh where did you go

i just don’t believe

that you could’ve flown

down deep into the depths of

….

track 3: failing poetry [not finished]

i find myself not able to write poetry

i find myself not knowing what to do with all the words in my head

i find myself trapped in this world that starts spinning

when all i really need are

just these few words

out of my mouth

track 4: two weeks notice

asleep and naive

not knowing much

that’s the way we’re born into this world

we continue through

asleep and naive

not knowing much

until something slaps us awake and sobers us up

my plan to give you

your two weeks notice

never came

the slap in the face

a bit too early

leaving me as hurt as the girl

that tyler sang his song about

i planned to end it

knowing my eyes were fluttering open

slowly too slowly

and not quite enough

time enough to see

a sudden resignation

happen in front of me

my plan to give you

your two weeks notice

never came

and now being awake

i can finally see

that the signs i glimpsed at

were you figuring out

just how soon the two weeks notice

would come

beating me to the end of my slumber

and throwing this cold water

into my face

we come into this world

asleep and naive

not knowing much

and here i left this post

shrewd and awake

now understanding

that this slap in the face was there

all along.

track 5: old him, new me

when i try to sleep

i find myself thinking of a world

with an old him and new me

i imagine the past and what could’ve been

with an old him and new me

but i know you’ve moved on

and that i have too

but when i think of the old him and new me

and can’t help thinking of what could’ve been

when i find myself drifting off

only in a dream world do old him and new me live

waking up and enjoying the day

but only inside this dream do i get to wake up

with the old him and a new me

but i know you’ve moved i

and to an extent i think i have too

but i always love to think about

the old him and new me

ponderin on what coulda been

*any chance you’ll cut your hair?* (in that weird voice memo grainy type sound)

track 6: out of place

listening to all these people

with stories to tell

makes me feel unworthy of your time

i need to have heavy heart, heartache and all forms of heartbreak

to sing a song and do a dance for the attention i crave

with no stories to tell i worry

am i just out of place to you?

do i have to worry about needing you?

i feel out of place here, but

is that true to you?

like toad, something’s always wrong

but all i want is to scream about things you won’t hear

because if it isn’t heart wrenching, about heart aching or the art of heart breaking

there isn’t a tale to spell

with no stories to tell i worry

am i just out of place to you?

do i have to worry about needing you?

i feel out of place here, but

is that true to you?

in the end i’ll still be here

wondering if i could ever be good enough

good enough for anyone to hear

with no stories to tell i worry

am i just out of place to you?

do i have to worry about needing you?

i feel out of place here, but

is that true to you?

track 7: knots [half done?]

i contemplated writing this

questioning if it would be worth my time

scared to put pen to paper

upon hearing a small squeak

confirming that you’re on to me

with each knot in my hair

you tease, tug and tear each one out

only to forget that you’re the one

in knots in the end

track 8: nénuphars

if i

could write a song

in french nonetheless

i could

i would

i should

i would name it

nénuphars

for the way that they float carefree

ready for someone to capture their beauty

an impression of them

if i could write this song

i’d write about how strong they are

growing in any mud

soil

and water

lying here i wish

i could

i would

i should

be like les nénuphars

and grow into something strong

no matter what

bridge lay ahead of me

what waters i find myself in

or which impression is taken of me

i can

i will

i shall

be these nénuphars

si je pourrais

je voudrais

je l’aimerais tellement si

je pouvait juste être ces nénuphars

si calme

si forte

je deviendrais ces nénuphars

i can

i will

i shall

i dunno

thats the extent of it

i have these odd voice memos of hums and tunes but i doubt i'll ever really use them...